...because they've been locked up for far too long. i can't seem to take the time to actually write everything.. but i sometimes get to the point where its just got to all come out. my thoughts on life. relationships. family. God. God mostly is in my thoughts. i mean the whole idea of God itself and creation.. is just a lot to blow my mind and when i really start to think about it.. my head starts to hurt and i don't want to think about it anymore.. but when i really really start to think about it... it makes me stand in awe of incredible so much stuff really is. the way we think... interact.. wow.. i mean woa.
a lot has been going through my head about morals.. and where i stand.. and what do morals really mean.. i mean .. what are morals. i want to practice the piano again... and i know this is jumping everywhere but this is how my thoughts have been going lately.. here .. there.. everywhere.. my brain needs a vacation from itself.
piano.. i miss my music. i sat down to play at home and almost cried when i couldn't play one of my favorite songs. my fingers stiff like an old car thats been sitting for far too long. too many mistakes i just walked away. i have no time for the things i really enjoy doing most. i mean i love reading and playing the piano of two things i barely do. where has our society been going... too fast.. never slowing down and always speeding up.. i am just so annoyed with how fast pace deverything is. summer is almost over.. i can't even comprehend that one.. it seems like i was just packing up my stuff and heading to italy... now i'm goign to be packing again.
as i was reading today in my Bible it talked about the shadow of death and how we should never fear.. why is it that i do not trust fully in God. i don't know why it is. i was talking to a dear dear friend yesterday about the power of prayer and the power of God and how everything in my life he has destined and planned and i've seen how it has all panned out perfectly,, but yet my future to me is still so fragile i feel like its spinning and i won't be able to stop it. i don't understand myself sometimes. i feel like there could be 3 deanna's packed into one because sometimes i do one thing and than another time i do another...
hm i'm so frustrated with people. end of story. i really don't feel like elaborating.
God is out there of that i'm sure.. and he's watching my prince.... i hope :)
ok until next time.
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